Lessons from my sweet sister.

“I've learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, 
life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow. 

I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights. 
I've learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, 
you'll miss them when they're gone from your life. 
I've learned that making a "living" is not the same thing as making a "life." 
I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance. 

I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands; 
you need to be able to throw something back. 
I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, 
I usually make the right decision. 
I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one. 
I've learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. 
People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back. 
I've learned that I still have a lot to learn. 
I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, 
but people will never forget how you made them feel.” 

― Maya Angelou


You always make me feel loved. 
Happy 50th Birthday, my darling Karen Sue.

Forgiveness.

(Part 6 of 12 series)


BILL.

When I think of my Uncle Bill and his impact in my life, “F” words come to mind. (I know this reference would just thrill him!) There is the obvious “F” word: Faith. Anyone that knows him, knows how strong his faith in God is. There is Family. Another obvious. Also father (substitute), fantastic and favorite (wink, wink). But the “F” word that best describes his influence in my life is: Forgiveness.

I think forgiveness is something we all struggle with in our lives; the world is full of people who see things in only black and white. They define people by the things they do, and once a person fails or falls short they wash their hands of them…FOREVER. (Oh, look there, another “F” word). End of discussion, their high moral ground won’t allow them to admit that we are all FLAWED. (See, I just can’t stop with these “F” words).

What Uncle Bill has taught me, through his strong faith, is that we are all just that - flawed human beings. We all make mistakes, we all have weaknesses and we all will FAIL (yikes) something or someone. But at the end of the day we have this uniquely human capacity to forgive. Uncle Bill reminds us that God forgives, so why can't we?

Life is too short NOT to forgive. 

Believe.

Part 5 of 12 in a series.

JAMES.

The fourth child in the Routley clan was my father, Jim. 


Initially, I thought finding one word to define what he taught me was going to be difficult, since all of who he was is a part of all I have become. But, it really only took me a moment to know the word, because it is the one word I've always shared with my own children. BELIEVE.


Believe in who you can be. Believe in what you want to achieve in life. Believe in making your life better, and the lives of your children better.


My dad believed that all his daughters could achieve anything and be anything they chose to be, he gave us the ability to imagine what those goals in life would be and he gave the financial and emotional support to reach for them. He never wavered from this mantra, even if he had to go without to help us.


In reaching and believing in yourself there was also the lesson of hard-work. And that striving for a better life and believing in yourself didn't come without effort, sweat and sacrifice. That is indeed a lesson I try to carry forward with my children.


Like my father, I believe my children are the most glorious creatures who ever lived. My belief in how amazing they are and their abilities to achieve anything is without limits. They just need to believe in themselves...and work hard, because your dreams are within reach.

Strength.

(part 4 of 12 series)

MARY.
Even before the events of this past summer, I had already picked the word "strength" to describe my Aunt Mary. And after watching her struggles over these past months, it is THE word that truly defines who she is to me. It isn't the physical definition, but the internal one: mental power and moral courage. Strength is what she has taught me about living.

As a role-model to the younger Routley women, she taught us to never wither; to attack each day with courage and to to never waste a moment. Always soldiering on, she greets life with a calm, internal strength and an amazing sense of humor.

This past July, I was reminded of her fearlessness.  Aunt Mary suffered a fall that resulted in Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI). At 74, such an injury could have been detrimental, even deadly, to someone her age, and someone with less internal fortitude. But she battled back, one small step (figuratively and literally) at a time.

The first time I saw her after her accident, she sat in a wheel-chair quietly looking out a window, hardly speaking. The next day, she had the strength to sit on the edge of the bed, willing her feet to touch the ground. Two days later, she was making small steps with the help of her son. Two weeks later she was headed home. A month after her accident, she was attending a baby-shower for my daughter with the help of a walker.

It was an incredible reminder of how to overcome overwhelming obstacles or achieve lofty goals; face these tough moments ONE DAY AT A TIME and with focus, determination and pure WILL you can DO IT.

"I think women are amazing creatures. They are tough when they know how to be tough, brave enough to be tender and have the courage to laugh at themselves." -Author Unknown

Humor.

(part 3 of 12 series)


BESS.
I always envied my Aunt Bess's down to earth, unassuming nature. She still is that way. But the thing I remember most about her is her quick wit, and sense of humor. She could find something funny in about everything, and about everyone - including hereself. It was never mean, but always spot on. Her one-liners were not meant to judge, but more a gentle reminder not to get too full of yourself. 

Sometimes I think we can lose that in the daily routine of life. If we approached each day with a good sense of humor, maybe we could avoid the petty arguments and the need to measure ourselves against others or judge the behavior of others. If we embrace all humans the same way, and accept them for the imperfect, but still lovely creatures they are, wouldn't we all be happier and more content in the long run?

The echos of laughter fill my memories, when I think of the many weekends spent at her home with my cousins. I am thankful for having her sense of humor as a foundation in my life.

The human race has only one effective weapon and that is laughter. ~Mark Twain

Responsibility.

(part 2 of 12 series)

David, Jr.

When you are the oldest in any family, it is almost a given that your role becomes one of parental assistant for your younger siblings. In my dad's family, Uncle Dave was the big brother to 9 brothers and sisters.

As the oldest child in my family, I can relate to that position, the responsibility and the pressure. You don't get to choose your birth order, it is just one of the many cards that is dealt to your life's hand, and it is up to you on how you play it. (According to my siblings, and my cousins I chose to play it bossy. I am sooo misunderstood).

I call it responsibility! 

As the oldest child you have not only lived longer, but you have also heard ALL the lectures, and understand what will probably get your siblings in trouble. You also love your younger siblings unconditionally (most of the time) and share the same hopes and dreams for them as your parents.

Uncle Dave always embraced this responsibility and he worked hard to set an example to his younger siblings. He helped his parents daily with this large, ever growing family. After high school, he served his country. Uncle Dave gave back to the community, helping to build a local church, while working long days and weeks to provide for his family.

He held those same high expectations for all of us, and he always felt it his responsibility to share his disappointment if we let him down. I experienced one of those reprimands, and it still sticks with me today. 

At the time I didn't appreciate it much. I thought he was being a curmudgeon, and he just didn't understand. Maturity and time for reflection eventually changed that feeling. 

I know now that Uncle Dave was just trying to get me to step up to my responsibility as an adult, to understand and appreciate the sacrifices that my father made to help me succeed in life. 

I know now that his gruff demeanor was a cover for a caring man who wanted only the best for all the members of the large family he helped to raise.

A solid foundation.

There were times growing up that I didn't always appreciate being in a large family, especially in a small town. Not only was I related to probably half the town, but the other half were friends with some member of my family. So privacy was not a luxury, and getting away with ANYTHING didn't happen.

But I've learned as life goes on, as I raise my own family and as I experience the dysfunctional relationships in my husband's family, what a truly remarkable childhood it was.  

I'm not saying that all my family members were perfect, or all my husband's were bad. Indeed, all of us are flawed human beings. But what seems different is how, given similar experiences and community environments, how members of the two families responded to  their challenges. And how those reactions shaped each family.

Who you spend your formative years with can have a huge impact on who you become and how you approach life. These family influences definitely mold your character.  For me, it was my father's side of the family. 

I owe who I am to the ten children of my grandparents, Dave and Phoebe. Each of them brought a different element to the family dynamics, and each taught me something about handling life's challenges and opportunities. 

I would like to share each one of them with you this year. My creative challenge will be to find one word to describe each of them, and their impact on my life. I say "challenge" because I already know that one word won't be enough to explain their influence.

I am thankful to Dave, Bess, Mary, Jim, Bill, Larry, Gary, Bob, Mike and Jayne for teaching me the important lessons of life. Their legacy will live on through my children and,  hopefully, their children.