I have never been one of those people who go gaga over celebrities, a sighting of one never sends me into a state of frenzy. It is actually always the opposite. I go into PANIC mode. So the couple times I've passed a celebrity in the street I act all uninterested, and afterwards, I spend hours rewriting the experience In my head, and develop these wonderful, clever one liners that I think would have impressed them. And then I'd walk away thinking, NAILED IT! (Of course a psychiatrist might be interpreting this differently.)
Luckily for me, I have managed to keep from making a complete ass of myself in front of these famous strangers. (I just save it for other random strangers, friends and family) And I go on believing I'm just too unimpressed with celebrity, rather than the truth, I am petrified. I turn to stone, except for my mouth, from which a river of stupid flows and flows and flows.
So it seemed pretty out of character of me to schedule a trip to Chicago around attending a book signing (IT SUCKED AND THEN I CRIED) by the rockstar of mommy-bloggers, Heather Armstrong of Dooce.com. Somehow, I talked my dear friend Abby into riding along with me. She is always a good sport, and supports my fantasies. Abby is my talk-you-off-the-ledge friend. She tells me what I want to hear with complete enthusiasm, and then manages the chaos of the aftermath, cleaning up behind me. She is that person who keeps the others from pushing-me-off-that-ledge! She is also the person who didn't let me talk myself out of going to the book-signing. I kept making excuses during the day and suggesting we didn't have to stay if SHE was tired. She kept saying, no, this is what we came down for or it is silly to come all this way and not go, etc. (Maybe Abby is a therapist in disguise? If not, she should be.)
Anyway, we left Michigan early (7:30 am) and made it to the Oak Brook area by 11:30 am. After spending the day stimulating the economy, we found our way to Borders for the book signing. (I just typed Barnes and Noble and erased it.) Only three people will get this inside joke: Abby, the helpful woman at Barnes and Noble who directed us to the right location of the signing and the hostess at Borders who I felt I needed to apologize to because we bought our books at Barnes and Noble, because, well, we felt bad that the helpful woman at Barnes and Noble went to all the work to give us the competitor's address and directions. Here is a link to buy the book at Borders.
FYI. It is available at Amazon.com too (and cheaper!)
Heather came in around 7:30 pm for the book-signing. She read two-excerpts from her book, and then did a question and answer session. Then it was time to get in line for the book-signing. Standing there waiting for my turn I had that sense of dread. I would have to say something to her, what would it be? Would I be able to control my mouth? Would my thoughts be clear, or would I start to babble on and on.
As she signed my book I thanked her for humor and sharing her life so openly to encourage others. And then it was off to the races. I started to babble. I mentioned we drove all the way down from Michigan to see her because no one ever comes to Michigan. I meant it as a joke, but I think she might have interrupted it as a complaint, as she said she wasn't in charge of the location selection. This is what happens when I don't stay with my rehearsed speech and don't stop talking. I said, no I know, that's okay. So, I hang out and wait for Abby's book to be signed, Abby, of course, politely waits to be talked to, and when Heather asks what part of Michigan we are from, she says the Central area. Of course, I am now completely immersed in idiot-mode, and feel compelled to chime in. So I do that hand thing...holding up the right hand and pointing and making some lame joke about, well, we Michiganders like to point out where we live with our hand, ha,ha,ha. Only...I am the ONLY one laughing, because as I said before my mouth is a river of stupid that constantly over flows its banks.
So, Heather, what I meant to say, and why I am a writer and not a public speaker, is this: "Meeting you was a pleasure. Thank you for your daily humor that helps keep life in perspective, and thank you for sharing your story so openly that gives support to others struggling through the same daily dramas. The book is fantastic, thanks for signing it. Best wishes to you and your family."
